- gives bad people coal which burns with the sulfur of hell-fire.
- expects to be bribed with milk and cookies so he will go away.
- wears red and black.
- has a beard and mustache.
- falls down from heaven.
- is surrounded by inhuman minions who do his bidding.
- is obsessed with those who are naughty and nice.
- has been secretly taking over Christmas.
- sneaks into your house at the same time as the bogey man.
- is pulled around by creatures with horns and glowing noses the color of hot sulfur.
- is fat from gluttony.
- bearded old men want your children in their laps
- wants you to covet things.
- wants parents to lie about his existence.
- Laplander (Reindeer herders) know Santa as an evil demon who dined on the flesh of children
- calls each of us a “ho” three times!
But most damning of all... Santa's very name is an anagram for his real identity.
Oh, and have a Merry Christmas Y'all!
HE HE HE!