Saturday, December 22, 2012

Santa's Claws

  • gives bad people coal which burns with the sulfur of hell-fire.
  • expects to be bribed with milk and cookies so he will go away.
  • wears red and black.
  • has a beard and mustache.
  • falls down from heaven.
  • is surrounded by inhuman minions who do his bidding.
  • is obsessed with those who are naughty and nice.
  • has been secretly taking over Christmas.
  • sneaks into your house at the same time as the bogey man.
  • is pulled around by creatures with horns and glowing noses the color of hot sulfur.
  • is fat from gluttony.
  • bearded old men want your children in their laps
  • wants you to covet things.
  • wants parents to lie about his existence.
  • Laplander (Reindeer herders) know Santa as an evil demon who dined on the flesh of children
  • calls each of us a “ho” three times!

But most damning of all... Santa's very name is an anagram for his real identity.

Oh, and have a Merry Christmas Y'all!


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